Inner Beast

By Egan Valliant

“You have NO friends and NOBODY likes you!”

Everyone in the hall went quiet. It wasn’t the words that made my stomach cringe in disgust. I knew (for the most part) they weren’t true. Did some people not like me? Yeah, a few, but nobody liked me at all? No, I had a decent group of friends. It was the way he said that with such certainty that made the hairs on my arm stand up. The words made me wonder if anybody actually did like me. My mind started to run.

I can’t just hit him can I? Actually, it’s almost Christmas break. I can’t even get in that much trouble. Especially if I use the excuse that I was being “bullied.” You know what? I’ve been putting up with this kid’s shit for too long, might as well.

         The conversation in my head seemed a minute long. Snapping back into reality, I still was unsure if I was going to fight this kid. I had no idea what to think, until I looked at the kid's face. The grin said, “I’ve beaten you. You’re embarrassed, and there’s nothing you can do about it.” Something inside me snapped. I had a deep urge to inflict pain on him. I wanted nothing else. I wanted to be the alpha dog, and assert dominance. My heart was beating louder than ever, and after every beat my veins got tighter. Not only did I want to fight, I needed to fight. Nothing in the world was going to calm me down and I accepted that. When I got ready to charge at the kid, I felt like I was opening a cage, unleashing a wild animal. Within seconds I already had him pinned on the ground, squirming desperately to free himself. He wasn’t getting away

            Should I punch him in the face? No, I’d get in too much trouble. I can’t just let him get up and walk away right now, though…

            I felt the urge to inflict more pain, and I started swinging at his ribs and hit him ten or fifteen times, each making a solid “thud." Normally when a fight breaks out at Woodberry, kids try and break it up within seconds, but not this fight. I think the kids who were watching were pretty amused and thought that it was good that I finally stood up for myself. After the longest two minutes of my life, I realized there was not much more I could do if I didn’t want to get in seriously disciplinary issues with the school. I stood up, and simply walked down the stairs to Lower Turner.

            I’m normally not an aggressive guy, but something took complete control over me that night. Something wanted me to inflict pain on someone who inflicted pain on me. An inner-beast.